My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize