I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
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grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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