How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize