I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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