i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
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She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
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AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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