you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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