i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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