what day is it and did you see me today?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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