I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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