u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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