awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm passing your future prison.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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