My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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