my being single is dangerous.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize