I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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