Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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