I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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