Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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