i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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