You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
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Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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