my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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