if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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