Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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