nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
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I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
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I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize