Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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