oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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