A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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