her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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