I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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