i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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