I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize