my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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