Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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