Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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