in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Be still, my beating vagina.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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