so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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