I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
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Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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