Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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