I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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