I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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