can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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