she was so not down for the gang bang
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
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its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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