If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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