yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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