Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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