Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize