I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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