im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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