you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
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Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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