there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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