It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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